Sex Toy Communications 101

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Sex Toy Communications 101

Now that we’re well into the Holiday season, a variety of gift giving holidays are just around the corner and we’re all starting to think about what we might want to get our loved ones. So, if you’re thinking about taking this opportunity to get a little naughty and spice up your sex life by gifting a toy, make sure you start with communication. Communication before, during, and after sex is so important and could be a great indicator of what you are and are not ready for. If you and your partner can’t sit down and have an honest conversation about a certain part of your sex life (toys, likes, dislikes, desires, etc.) then communication is an important place to start. Whether you’re trying to introduce a toy into your sex life or just trying to improve your communication, here are some ground rules for communicating about sex.


Ground Rules:


  1. Make sure you initiate the conversation somewhere quiet and private, and have enough time to dive into the conversation completely and without feeling rushed.
  2. Be honest! Be honest about what you like and don’t like, what you’re interested in and not interested in and what you’re hoping to get out of the conversation.
  3. Listen intently and non-judgmentally. Make space for your partner to talk about their wants, needs, likes, dislikes, etc. and listen carefully and without judgement. Also make sure you have time to share for yourself too, and ask your partner to listen carefully and without judgement.
  4. Go into the conversation with an understanding of your own likes, dislikes and desires. If you’re unsure where to start, here’s one of many awesome yes/no/maybe lists available on the internet. You and your partner can both fill one out to help facilitate the conversation.
  5. If you are thinking about getting a sex toy as gift make sure you talk about sex toys! If you and your partner have not had a conversation about introducing toys into your sex life and you show up with one as a gift, it could go wrong and get awkward very fast.
  6. Check in at the end of the conversation. See how your partner is feeling and find out if there’s anything else either of you want to talk about.


If you decide to buy a sex toy, don’t forget to consider:


  • At The Velvet Lily we have a large variety of high quality sex toys for you to choose from, but you cannot return any toys you purchase from us, even if the person you bought it for doesn’t want/like it and hasn’t opened it—so make sure you get something your partner wants and will use.
  • While the staff here at The Velvet Lily are knowledgeable about the products and here to help you find the perfect gift, sex is deeply personal, and we don’t know what your partner does and does not like. We will be better able to guide you through our products if you can tell us a little bit about what your partner likes and might be looking for.
  • Make sure you also pick up some lube and toy cleaner to go with the gift! You’ll want to make sure you can use your new toy safely while keeping it clean!


If you’ve followed these rules and established, through honest communication, that a sex toy is a good gift for your partner, come to The Velvet Lily and help us help you find the perfect gift!


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