My motto is... If you are going to do it, might as well do it the right way.  When women come to our Blow Him Away workshops, most want to improve their skills or just don't feel like giving a hand job or a blow job.  Some feedback I have had is, "I am really horrible at it," "I want to master this," or a personal favorite, "When I leave here today, I want to be able to suck the enamel off a door knob,"  What's important is to figure out (quickly) why you want to perform these acts of pleasure.  Is it because you feel obligated?  Or is it because you think you might as well just get it over with?  I look at these opportunities to connect to my partner, physically and mentally.  I also know that the more I give, the more I get but not in the sense of payback, but more along the lines of karma or good energy.  Your generosity is going to be recognized and if it isn't, then there are some other issues to deal with.

Get in the mood.  Don't just look at the penis and think, "Ho hum, here we go again."  Smell your partner.  Does he smell like musk?  This is a natural pheromone that has the potential to drive you crazy.  A common scent is salt.  I have the privilege of smelling bagels - like fresh baked bagels.

Establish what you want to do or are willing to do.  Swallowing for instance.  If you don't want to swallow, then don't.  As an alternative, let him cum on your chest and see if that turns him on.  And if you don't mind swallowing but don't like the taste, try some  flavored body safe lubes, like, for example, the Sliquid brand.  

Another hot topic is the Deep Throat. I always like a good challenge and I continue to improve my skills in this area, to the point where now I hardly ever gag.  With the assistance of good advice from my sex educators, there are certain angles that have definitely helped.  Men are very visual creatures and some have been educated by the porn industry that Deep Throat is the best way to give head.  In my experience, a combination of hands and mouth work best. 

Which brings me to hands. Does everyone remember the Indian Burn?  My sex educator Kira brought this up at our workshop this Sunday and I was happy that I already used that technique.  Mind you, lube is essential for the Indian Burn unless he likes a little pain and rawness.  I haven't labeled all the techniques that I have used and someday I might have to.  But lube or saliva is essential in pretty much all of them.  If you want to add something a little different, try Stroke 29 Masturbating cream.  It's a lube not meant for intercourse and only meant for masturbation so be careful to clean it all off if you plan to have sex.  Stroke 29 is a cream that turns into a slick oily substance after about 50 strokes designed to stimulate how a vagina lubricates after being stimulated.  

Great places to focus on for the male genitalia:  the corona (under the tip of the penis), the frenulum (under the tip and on the underside), and the perineum (under the testicles).  Massage these areas like you want to drive him crazy, but please, not like you are squeezing toothpaste out of its container.  Licking motions should be like you are eating the best ice cream cone ever, not like your tongue is stuck to a freezing ice sculpture. 

Try some vibration.  I love to use palm held vibrators that have flat surfaces to massage the shaft, the perineum, and the inner thighs.  Vibrator that can fit in your palm while following your mouth or while one hand has the vibrator, use the other hand for massage.   The Lelo Nea, the Jimmy Jane Form 3, and the Leaf by Swan Spirit Vibe are fantastic solutions.  If you are looking for something that serves as an internal stimulator, use the Gigi.  The flat side can be used for the shaft and the perenium.

And finally, practice makes perfect.  My husband always says that I am doing something new, but I seriously doubt it after 11 years.  Once in a while I will pull something out of my back pocket or re do something I did a few months ago to change it up.  Don't think too much about it.  Be with it and make it fun, hot, and sexy.  

Male Masturbators,  why not just use your hand and a bottle of lube?  A lot of our customers ask us why use them and there are a lot of reasons why men should use them on their own, and couples use them together.  I have a theory that masturbating has an added benefit, to prolong lovemaking.  Like lifting weights, masturbating is like training a very important muscle. 

When it comes to masturbating with just your hands and fingers, I always pose this question.  Is your penis feeling your hand or is it your hand feeling your penis?  It's not that it is less pleasurable but it is confusing to the brain.  And why not add something different when your partner is going down on you.  Use a masturbator for hand jobs or a short sleeve to assist in oral.  With oral, a short sleeve allows the head exposed to the mouth.  There are so many techniques in using masturbating sleeves or cups for men.  

Traditionally, the Fleshlight has been the most popular.  Their Cyberskin realistic feeling and the ability to look almost real is fascinating and are produced in a variety Porn Stars vaginas and booties clones.  As an added feature, they have added interior textures and a slight vacuum suction ability.  But Tenga is gaining ground with their crazy textures.  Some Star Trekkie who must have dreamt about Alien orifices of pleasure had to have of thought of these geometric interiors and clean lines.  The Tenga cup is one of the most innovative sex toys for men I have seen in a long time.  The disposable cups are built to simulate what it feels like for deep throat and other sexual positions.  The Tenga Eggs are great gifts with a variety of different textures for people to experiment on which one is their favorite.  For a more permanent solution, the Tenga Flip Hole looks like a soft gelatinous maze of shapes that can be easily opened for easy cleaning.  Also equipped with flexible side for exterior pressure with your hands, the Flip Hole exterior isn't pornographic.   The Tenga line is the first choice of the World Champion of Masturbation who happens to live in Japan. 

Looking for a more interactive model, take a gander at the Real Touch, a motorized masturbator directly connected to a PC.  The 4 motors move along with the movement of the porn watched on the Real Touch website.  The lubricated device provides warming and simulates orgasmic fluid,  again in conjunction with the porn.  

With masturbating (in private) becoming more socially acceptable and recent studies have shown that ejaculation may help prevent prostate cancer, why not try something else than your hand and a bottle.  Try something less expensive and see if you like these new devices.  Then you can upgrade to something more permanent. 

We carry a lot of Designer Toys for discriminating customers, but we also have some really well priced stocking stuffers that will be the life of the party.  The Tenga Lover's egg 

is traditionally used as a male masturbator, your partner can use this on you as well.  You don't have to go solo with this toy.  For external female stimulation, you can turn the textures inside out, and use this to soften up your Hitachi Wand.

Looking for something to match the Bling, try our body jewelry, Mimi or Flamboyant or some Vajazzle.  

Just when she is down to her skivvies, here is another surprise!  Not every girl is self expressed enough to buy them for themselves but secretly every girl wants them.  No doubt their partner definitely will want them.  

For couples, games and dice are always fun.  52 Weeks of Romance or Sex Positions Dice is always popular.  Chocolate pens and chocolate paint are yummy and who really wants to lose weight during the holidays anyway? 

 Your Secret Santa will surely remember this year.  

The music in the background has you bobbing your head ever so slightly.  You and your date are dressed to the nines waiting at the bar for a greygoose and vodka and a glass of Pinot Noir.  You are wearing your best suit and your lady is wearing a backless dark merlot dress draping right above the small of her back.  She walks away slowly, looking over her shoulder with a sly grin.  You look back at her, the rim of your glass hiding your smile.

She is charming as she shakes hands with the senior partners of your firm.  You let her get comfortable and then you push the button.  She arches her back and starts giggling.  Brushing it off as being tipsy, she explains her sudden movements but you both know she is wearing a remote control bullet.  You just picked up the Lelo Lyla in Deep Rose to match the color of the dress.  After you realize that you had the speed too high, you lower the intensity and decide to change the pulsations.  She moves slowly to music, back and forth swaying her hips, and makes eye contact with you.  She excuses herself and walks back towards you.  She reaches for your hand and leads you to the dance floor.  No words needed.  Who knew that a remote controlled bullet could be so hot. 

Last night, we had an event hosting Mommy Bloggers who were interested in putting some spice back in their lives.  Ladies,  I know first hand how hard it is to raise a child.  Mine never went to sleep and was hyperactive until he turned 12.  All the sudden, we are dressing up in sweat pants, not putting on the make up and just not taking care of ourselves let alone our significant others.  Little by little, our sense of who we are gets altered and we live for their benefit, juggling the roles of wife, mother, lover, friend, and perhaps professional.  How does one keep up and still have time to get busy between the sheets when Junior is climbing into bed with you?

Answer:  Make time or you will go crazy!  Orgasms are key to reducing stress and mood adjustment.  Other studies show that intercourse can actually improve blood pressure and is good for the heart.  The emotional support your friends and family give you just won't cut it.  Physical intimacy is key.  Oxytocin and other endorphins are released during orgasm which act like a natural sedative which is essential when you are juggling all those hats.

Not to mention, sex can be a great form of diet and exercise.  Phenemetylene is produced which is known to curb the appetite.  Seratonin is also produced and can promote a calming well being effect.  As a bonus, an hour of sexual activity including foreplay and intercourse burns about 140 calories.

As a woman, sex is part of your personality, self awareness, and well being.  Not only do I feel the physical gratification but for me, sex is a mental connection with your partner where you can escape the rest of your life.  Like a Calgon Commercial that is suspended in time and space.  Don't avoid it because other parts of your life keep getting in the way.  

Tis the Season for giving and getting and The Velvet Lily is can definitely help in the romance area.  Why not pull out the stops this holiday?  Imagine, your partner comes home and you are dressed in a hot santa costume or wrapped up as a present, and black high healed boots.  Start with soft kisses under the mistletoe and then pull out the naughty dice for something a little spicier.  Move yourselves gradually into the living room where a warm fire and scented massage oil candles set the mood for what's to come (no pun intended).  There are a couple of ornately decorated boxes sitting there waiting to be eagerly unwrapped.  Something for him, something for her, something for both of you. 

He opens the box and inside is a Lelo Bo, a high end rechargeable cock ring.  He pulls out a box for you to unwrap too.  Inside is a red Lelo Mona.  This is rechargeable too but what's great about it is the swooping curve guaranteed to entice all your internal sweet spots.  You give him the last box, a gift for both of you to bring ultimate pleasure, the We Vibe III, the only remote control sex toy that can be worn during intercourse.  Shaped like a U, one end stimulates the clit, while the other end vibrates inside your vagina.  Your man penetrates you and the internal part stimulates him and your g spot as he is inside.  

Before you get too hot and heavy, try starting out with some sensual massage techniques with one of our massage oil candles.  The eco friendly wax turns into a warm lotion made of soy.  If you want something that you can use for a massage or for intercourse or oral, try Pink Silicone Lubricant. 

Finally, you pull out the liberator flip ramp, conveniently disguised as an ottoman when family pays an unannounced visit.  It opens into a ramp for better positioning and deeper penetration.  Now it's time to reach for your newly acquired lust objects.

Happy Holidays from The Velvet Lily, changing the world one vibration at a time.

Thanksgiving is a perfect day for Stuffing.  You've done some cooking, had some wine or spiked apple cider, the in laws have gone and now it's time to wind down and get it on.  

This year, we planned to play Pilgrim and turkey.  I was going to dress up as a hot sexy turkey and my husband was going to chase me around in a Pilgrim outfit.  Gobble Gobble.  But family is important and my brother invited himself over and I pulled together a halfway decent Thanksgiving dinner.  We started at 2 and the family left around 6 pm.  Maybe they knew about our little Thanksgiving Role Play.   

Now to eliminate the next distraction...Football.  I like football but not this much football.  What better way to start the end of the night with what your man likes best, a blow job during football.  Tonight, mine made it easy.  He was a little under the weather and decided to wear his robe with a Cowboys Jersey over it.  Yes I said Cowboys.  Anyway, it was easy access.  If you are doing a good job and truly honoring your man, you will see signs of your skill.  The volume on the tv becomes more and more quiet, and then it just goes mute.  You know you have some real skill if the tv completely turns off.  Grin.  The eager walk up the stairs to your bedroom should be the next move. 

The dishes can wait.  It's time for a good stuffing!  Happy Thanksgiving.

A lot of people want to get kinky with body paints and but sometimes the mess is a deterrent.  Potentially getting stains on your sheets, your carpets, and floors may not be appealing.  Traditionally, the most popular body paints requested are chocolate base items like Kama Sutra Chocolate Dreams or Shunga Erotic Body Paints.  But if you want to go large scale, there are some other options:

A lot of women come in and want to buy a cock ring for their men and yet many of them don't know how to use one.  The first thing they grab is a pocket vibe or a humm dinger.  These are not meant for the traditional purpose of a cock ring but are great ways to introduce your partner to fun and play.  If you are looking for something that is more permanent and vibrating cock ring, try a LoveRing or a Phosphoring.  A traditional C Ring is made of a material that is tight enough to constrict blood flow enabling more sensitivity and longer erections. 

Silicone or Nitrile Cock Rings:  These rings are made out of body safe material because they do not absorb bacteria. 

O Rings and made out of pliable materials or steel.  There are no fasteners and some O rings can be more difficult to remove.  So if you are a beginner, start with something that is more pliable like our beginner silicone rings.  What I like about these rings is that you can use up to 3 rings.  If you are looking into steel, keep in mind that you may have to be personally sized. 

Adjustable Rings are made with different materials, such as silicone, pleather, or leather.  They usually have fasteners but I like ones that are made with silicone because they are easier to clean and won't absorb bacteria.

How to put a cock ring on: 

Make sure the penis is flaccid.  Rub water based lube You can either place the ring at the base of the shaft or around and underneath the testicles.  Make sure that there is some give on the ring but not too much.  If you have multiple rings, you can use them in a combination of ways such as two on the shaft and one around the shaft and testicles.  One of my customers uses it just on his shaft because apparently he is so well endowed that he needs to make sure he doesn't hit "rock bottom." 

Another product that is similar to the c-ring is the Perfect Tie.  Simply tie around the testicles and the shaft and tug at the ends during oral or penetration.

Recently a customer came in shopping for a toy to enhance her relationship with her boyfriend.  She had a couple of concerns:
1.  Her man would go down on her upon request but wasn't motivated on his own.

2.  She could only achieve orgasms through external stimulation

Her objective was to introduce a toy that wouldn't insult his manhood and to hopefully excite him at the same time.  She was also concerned that he might become a lazy lover if the toy would make it easy for her to achieve climax.  My response to that is, "Get yourself off even if it takes a vibrator, and if he can't do it, then you need a little help."

I showed her dozens of toys and she ultimately decided on the Gigi.  It's flat head could not only stimulate her clitoris but also help her find her G Spot and experiment with vaginal orgasms.  She can also use it on a low setting on his shaft and on his perineum.  My suggestions on how to use the toy included visual techniques as well as how to verbally communicate with her man.

Men are very visual as evidenced by their enjoyment of porn (generalization).  Let him see you use the vibrator in the light or in dim light if you feel self conscious.  Then guide his hand to control the movements.  Grab his hair or shoulder and make noises in appreciation.  Even whisper how much you like what he is doing.  

She felt uncomfortable with the talking part.  Ladies, there is a way to use profanity and not sound like a tramp.  Lightly moan or whisper "Fuck"  or "Pussy."  See how he responds.  This is about getting pleasure and getting what you want from your partner.  This is about owning your sexuality and self expression.  And sometimes it take a "bad girl" to get it "GOOD."

Whether you are in your 20s or you are in your 80s, it's never too late to try a toy out solo or with a partner.  One of my lingerie customers just came in and said that she is 38, has never had a toy, and just feels stupid because she doesn't own one.  She also said that she has five orgasms a session and therefore doesn't need a toy.  Well of course I have my 2 cents to say about that.

1.  Don't knock it till you try it.  A Romantic Aid can not only add pleasure to your sexual encounter but can also add excitement. 

2.  Sex toys may be able to increase the quantity and quality of orgasms or even get you "there" faster.  Sometimes they just make you hornier.  To some, 5 orgasms is a lot and to some not enough in one love making session.  Some of us are lucky to have multiple orgasms and I attribute this to sexual confidence and freedom of expression.

3.  The health aspects are important to consider.  Why not take care of yourself and not only reduce stress but also burn calories at the same time.  Internal aids can assist you in Kegel exercises and improve intimate health following menopause, chemotherapy, and radiation. 

So don't feel stupid or embarrassed.  Join the rest of millions of us who love to chat over Sunday Brunch about our latest technological innovation that gets us off.

April is a great time of year to treat your special someone - or yourself - to some new toys.  Show some more skin as the sun sets later and the nights heat up, or stay in bed on rainy days and just explore each other.

With the change in weather, why not update your lingerie collection?  We're having an Earth Day special on all our lingerie made out of bamboo fiber!  Slip into something a little more comfortable, or have him help you undo all your butttons ...

Create an Easter Basket or Spring Care Package for your Honey Bunny with edible treats and small toys like our Tenga eggs, candy g-strings, chocolate & peanut butter pasties, Tasty Twist oral enhancer balm, and erotic massage oils.

Whether you're putting together a lot of little things, or have been saving up for a splurge like one of our incredible designer vibrators, The Velvet Lily looks forward to helping you make the most of spring!

With today's busy schedule, the art and sport of afternoon sex may be a dying activity.  But taking a little time out of your schedule could just spark the heat up in your relationship.  Forget the old re run movie you have your eyes glued to.  Ignore the facebook posts on your smartphone.  Turn your laptop off and get your knees and give your lover the most amazing head ever.  

No, afternoon sex is not the most convenient of times and it may be few and far between, but having half the day ahead of you can also give you a few moments of intimacy you can't have after having sex at bedtime.  Sleep comes too quickly when you make love in the evening.  Usually the order after you are done is, going to the bathroom and urinating so you don't get a UTI, crawling back under the covers, a peck at the base of your partner's neck and then spooning till you fall asleep six seconds later.  

Whereas nooners can afford you those moments where you aren't drained from the day's rat race.  Some daylight to fulfill on the visual experience, and time to actually reflect on the hotness you just experienced.  You can hold hands, look at your lover, appreciate the physical and emotional experience, just lie in each other's arms, and be grateful for the connection you just shared. Breaking up the pattern is also great for spontaneity and the old humdrum schedule of your sex life.  Come on, how many times have you seen Matrix on your cable tv channel?  Get off for crying out loud!

Because we own a sex shop, people always ask us .... if we are swingers.  Sorry Ladies and Gents to disappoint, but  my husband and I are not swingers.  We do get exposure to a lot of ideas and concepts, but having an open relationship takes someone who understands their limits.  To me, it's about what makes me comfortable and my definition of my relationship.  Yes, we have an amazing sex life.  Yes, we love our toys and testing them out.  Yes, we love being self expressed in our sexuality.  But NO, we just don't swing.  

Maybe I am not evolved enough or maybe I know that if someone else comes near my husband, that I might be driven to violence.  Maybe I'm just not good at sharing.  I was an only child after all for 10 years.  Regardless, I want to be the Queen of this Sandbox.  I'm not saying that I'm right or my way is what everyone should believe.  Some people can handle open relationships.  Now saying that you can handle it and actually being able to are two different things.  I know 3 couples who were in Polyamorous relationships that went sour.  Emotions and trust always play a factor.  Can it work?  I think it can, but all parties have to be selfless and have no sense of jealousy or ownership.  

One of my customers is very successful, in his 60s, and he and his wife are very involved in the open relationship arena.  In this area, there are some parties and events where there is a sense of exclusivity and they can mingle with at least a group on individuals in their status circle.  Some parties are bigger and exclusivity isn't really what is being projected but more of a "free love vibe." 

Often times these larger parties involve costumes and tickets sell for $20 for you to listen to house music, possibly hook up, and then perform your sexual prowess in front of others.  I've performed PDA to its highest degree a couple times in the Carribean knowing I didn't know anyone there.  Could I do the same here?  I don't think so.  Philly is just way too small.  

So in a nutshell, we are just a normal every day couple that loves to have sex and likes to spice things up a bit without others being involved.  So the only swinging we will be doing is on a sex swing.